Chance of a Lifetime

It's been a couple of weeks since I've checked in here.  With music performances, school parties, church parties and just plain life, there are not enough hours in the day!  While the everyday is, well, the everyday, there are always those unique moments that stand out and must be shared and remembered. 

The past couple of weeks have been fairly pleasant.  Gramma had a mild TIA again a couple of days ago but is recovering nicely.  In spite of the bitter cold, wind and rain, I am determined to get Gramma out of the house and involved with other people.  She is a socialite and loves to visit.  She loves entertainment and cultural activities.  On Monday I took her out in 15 degree weather to get her hair done.  I had to wrap a scarf around her head and bundle her with a thick winter coat.  I laughed when I looked at her because she looked like a little old Russian lady (Which she is!).  I had forgotten about her being fluent in Yiddish (click for definition http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yiddish_language) and said "Now if you speak Yiddish, everyone will think you ARE a little old Russian lady.  So...she spoke Yiddish the rest of the morning!!!  She was cracking up!

When we got to the Wal-Mart parking lot, I had to try and convince Gramma to let me lift her out of the van because it is up so high that if she were to come down with her weight it would break her legs.  She said there was no way she'd let me catch her.  We were arguing and laughing hysterically.  A BIG, friendly, smiling black man pulls up in an SUV and Gramma says "See if he'll help!"  I was shocked because that was out of her comfort zone!  Nevertheless, the man rolled down his window and asked if we needed help.  We said yes and he graciously picked her up and set her down on the ground.  She took his hand and said "God for you!  God bless you always!"  He smiled and said thank you. 
                                                                                       

                                                                                                    

This morning I realized that having Gramma here is the chance of a lifetime.  For John and I, and especially for the children.  I had to give Gramma a shower and took her upstairs and prepared her things.  When I turned around, Sarah was unbuttoning Gramma's bathrobe for her and telling her to come to the shower.  Gramma was tickled pink!  She squeezed her and said "Oi, oi can you imagine this?" After the shower, Sarah proceeded to dry her with a towel and wanted to put lotion on her.  She rubbed the lotion in her hands and rubbed it on both of her cheeks.  She pulled her face to hers and gave her a kiss.  I could have died and gone to heaven right then!!!  She finished putting lotion on her legs and handed me her sweater. 

When I think about how the entire family watches out for her, it makes me realize the value of this time for my kids.  When any one of them sees her wandering around without her walker, they take her by the hand to a safe spot and retrieve her walker for her.  My kids will always have compassion for the elderly and handicapped.  They will be servants and they will not be uncomfortable or inconvenienced by the needs of the needy.  I pray this stays with them.  The value to Gramma is indescribable.  She often says to me "What do people do that don't have what I have, what God gave me?  There must be something we can do for them."  She realizes the blessing of being cared for by her own family.  She prayed thanks to God today for giving her this family and people to take care of her and love her.

She cried yesterday thinking that she had not bought Christmas presents for the kids and they would not have anything that was from her to know she loves them.  I reminded her that we had shopped for the kids from her.  She always wants to do for us.  To give to us.  This is a woman that knew little about the real lives of her children and grandchildren.  She cared about status and success.  She had friends and a social life and that was all she wanted.  She was disappointed that "The Cousins" had all become financially successful and her kids had not "become something".  Today, she feels we are the most amazing people on earth!  She rarely asks about her friends but frequently asks about everyone in the family.  This is not dementia, this is God!  She remembers her friends but is not as concerned with their lives anymore.  When she first came, she could not feel good unless her friends called her regularly and told her how good she had it.

Each day brings something new and wonderful, but each day also takes away something old and wonderful!  We are thankful for them both.  This Christmas season has brought so much joy and emotion.  I thank God for each day with her!

                                                             My little babushka!

Gramma got her hair did!

A Date With Dementia

"Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Isaiah 46:4

I think I have made it clear that Gramma has dementia, vascular dementia to be specific.  We have good days and bad days, but always blessed days.  We are blessed every day that she wakes up again!  To be quite honest, dementia is very entertaining, for us and for Gramma.  It is the source of much laughter for Gramma and she is ok with sharing it with us.

Whether she is saying something off the wall and then realizing it, or not realizing it, we laugh.  One day we were in the van waiting for one of the kids to meet us with their ride.  Gramma and I had been swatting at a fly for about an hour and she complained, referring to the fly as a "Micheal"!  It became silent and we were looking straight ahead and I started to smile.  About 30 seconds later, Gramma starts shaking her head while looking out the front window and says "Oh dear!"  She looked at me and we burst out laughing.  She does this often!  I can't tell you how many times she has put her bra on OVER her shirt.  I will say "Hey Gramma, look down.  Are you sporting a new fashion there?"  She starts cracking up and says "You know I'm not right." She points to her head and says "I'm not all there."  We all laugh with her.  On the other hand, there are some really "off" days when she has no idea what she's doing or why.  She has gone into her room and removed all of her clothes from her amwoire and put them on the floor.  When I ask about it, she says she is going to fold them neatly and put them away.  Later she will ask me why all of her clothes are on the floor.  I will say "Because you're going to fold them neatly and put them away!"  She sarcastically says "Oh really?  I'm gonna do that?"

Gramma's sense of humor has been part of her character as long as most can remember, even through the harshness of her "old self"!  My children spend a lot of time talking to her because she makes them laugh.  They run back and forth telling me what she says.  One day, at the YMCA, a very large man walked in and Gramma began to say loudly "Oh, that man needs to be here for a while.  He really needs to be here."  Ayana was horrified and told her that she could not insult people like that and that she had been loud enough for him to hear her.  A few minutes later two large men walked in.  Ayana looks over and Gramma is "reading" a magazine (she cannot see, nor can she read any longer) and turning pages.  She peers over the magazine at Ayana and says "What?  I'm just sitting here reading my magazine."  The men walk out and Gramma looks up at Ayana and winces.  I thought Ayana would die laughing.  Since having been saved, she catches herself and confesses that she should not say such things about people.

This situation could either bring us a lot of sorrow or a lot of laughs.  It is bitter sweet to watch her slowly slip away, day by day.  She has mini-strokes that take bits and pieces from her.  The one thing that remains constant is her faith and her recollection of what God has shown her.  It is amazing!  You can talk with her at any time, even during a delusional episode, and the message is the same.  "He knows me.  He loves me!"  So whether she is calling me "Lyda" and my uncle Ricky "Runny", she knows whom it is that saves her!  She will point up and say "Him" if you can't understand her. 


Pray for those in nursing homes with dementia.  They are often lonely and confused.  They don't have the opportunity to be understood because those that should know them are not there.  I am thankful for every day with Gramma.  When she is confused or cannot speak properly, we know what she is telling us.   This makes her feel secure and loved.  I praise God for people like Wendy Harper that go to nursing homes regularly as a ministry to the elderly.  They need us to love them to death!




                                   "What are you doing with that bra Gramma?"

The First Night of Chanukah

"A man hath no better thing under the sun, than to eat, and to drink, and be merry." Ecclesiastes 8: 15


Last night we celebrated the first night of Chanukah as a family.  Gramma was overjoyed at the spread of traditional food, the Menorah and the kids gathered around the table together with her.  She was silly and funny and even sang for us.  I think she was exhausted from smiling and laughing so much!  After eating the most delicious potato latkes in the world, with matzoh ball soup and flatbread sesame crackers with cream cheese and lox spread, we had Chanukah gelt (chocolate coins here in the south!) and cheescake.  Then Gramma gave each of the kids a small gift (dollar specials!) to celebrate the tradition.  The kids had a blast with her and enjoyed the whole celebration.  Poor John, the German/Irish Catholic boy was a little overwhelmed at the event.  It was new to him but he was happy to celebrate with his family!


We had Gramma light the first candle on the Menorah, and she said a blessing.  She thanked God and praised Him as she told Him "You did this for US!"  We discussed the story of Chanukah and what it means to us as believers.  One thing I've learned about Jews is that they accept the fact that God does what he chooses and it is well with them.  I am inspired by this.  We pray that Christmas brings Gramma as much joy this year as Chanukah.  It will be her first Christmas as a Messianic Jew!  She is already in love with the spirit of the season as she sits and gazes at the tree and the lights for hours and tells me how beautiful it is.  Everyone should be this happy and blessed as they move toward eternal life!  God is good!
                                                    

                                                    Potato Latkes and Matzoh Ball Soup! YUM!