"You may delay, but time will not!"~ Ben Franklin

I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go." John 21:18


Time has certainly happened quickly to Gramma.  It seems to have gone so slowly for the rest of us as we've watched her go from a feisty o'l lady determined to "get better!", to a scared, ailing women in constant fear.  The past few months were chaotic and our days were busy deterring aggressive, demented behavior with latches, locks, medication and distractions.  Now she's mostly silent and has a blank gaze.  I remind Gramma to drink water and how to put one foot in front of the other so she can move in the direction she desires to go.  She can often get the hang of it and wander through the house but, if unsupervised, she likely forgets what she's supposed to do somewhere in the midst of a vacant room and falls.  The pain doesn't even seem to register with her anymore.  She's got a large bruise on her forehead from losing her footing, overreacting and falling head first into the metal frame of her hospital bed. 

As much as her silent gaze has been a minor break from the chaos of aggression and fear, the change has made me sad.  Tonight, I changed her clothes and undergarments like I always do. I cleaned her floor, put clean sheets on her bed, gave her meds, helped her into bed and then pulled up the guard rail.  I would normally tell her I love her and turn out the lights before closing and latching her door, but tonight, I stroked her hair and told her that I was glad she was there.  I hugged her and she thanked me and told me she loved me.  I knealed at her bedside and prayed with her.  She thanked God, in the only intelligible way she could, for the children and the events of the day when the little ones ran all over the house and Sarah spent time brushing her hair.  We closed and she smiled.  I felt good leaving her, knowing she had a moment of peace and comfort.  Forgetting to spend time with her weighs on me.  I guess it's the same guilt parents have with their children at the end of the day.  I realize that each moment could be her last and each day whittles away at her mind and body.  I am thankful for today and I remembered that I love her dearly.

Passing the time...

Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels. Heb 13:10

There is little Gramma can do for entertainment, although she complains regularly that she wants to get out and do things.  When we do take her out, she is ready to go home by the time we get her in the van! 

Her new favorite pass time is sitting in the rocking chair on the front porch.  She tells me that she's going out to see "that woman" she talks to.  We have never ever seen a woman outside and we've never seen her talking to herself or anyone else out there.  I must assume that God is meeting her need to socialize and has brought her company in the Spirit.  She comes inside very satisfied that she has kept good company!  I thank God for the little things!

Maddie visited Gramma on the porch!

Gone today, here tomorrow!

“You heard me say, ‘I am going away and I am coming back to you.’ If you loved me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I.  John 14:28

Well, the path of dementia has so many ups and downs!  Some days it seems we are moments away from an inevitable end, other days she's giving us free stand up comedy!  Earlier in the week she had spent two whole days talking to herself.  I had to go in her room every so often and make sure there was really no one there!  She fell twice that day and bruised up her back and elbow and has a nice little spot on her forehead. The next day, she heard John and I having a "discussion" and she wanted to counsel me.  She knew what she was talking about and said that all she wanted was to see the two of us TOGETHER!  Another day later, she pretended she was dying for about five minutes until I ignored her and walked out of the room.  Then she packed everything she owns up into a suitcase, stripped her bed, put three layers of clothing on and came out to wait for "them" to come and get her!  Once she was distracted, we put all of her things away and made her bed.  Later she said asked me "Wasn't I supposed to be going somewhere?"  I told her no and she cried and apologized.  She thought she had hurt me and told me she was crazy. 

So here we are today!  Gramma went to church, worshiped and prayed and came home to take a nap.  She woke up and came to spend time with us and played with Emily, pouring ice water on her feet.  They watched TV and she cracked up at the boy on "Wizards of Waverly Place" when he couldn't push the chair in for a chubby girl he was dating and pulled the table over to her!!!  Gramma is like a box of chocolates, "You never know what yer gonna git!"


Unless you have ever cared for the elderly, you have no idea what daily life brings. "Gramma proofing" requires more creative skillt than child proofing!  Gramma's can think up way more dangerous ways to entertain themselves that a two year old!  It isn't pretty, fun, or glamorous.  It IS humbling, emotional and spiritually gradifying! 


Watching her deteriorate has challenged the whole family.  We sometime forget that she needs us to sit and talk with her, even if no one has a clue what she is talking about, not even her!  Remember to pray for Gramma as she continues to walk closer to the Father because where she is going, there we will be also! 

Gramma talking to a pig puppet! "How do I look? Not good huh?" puts the puppet down!

Daniel's Visit!

" Then the king gave Daniel high honors and many great gifts, and made him ruler over the whole province of Babylon, and chief prefect over all the wise men of Babylon." Daniel 2:48

I've always favored my brother Daniel!  I used to be his caretaker when I was six years old.  I babysat him and was the FIRST to carry him when he was born, I was there!! 

Given our "rocky" childhoods, I was seperated from him by the time I was 13 and did not come back into his life until I was 17 and a mother.  By then, there was much damage done by words and influences regarding who I was and who I had been.  He didn't know me and I didn't bother to try and know him.

Over the years we continued to be serperated by distance, circumstances and my mother's death.  Although I grew close to Gramma during that time, Daniel had only met her and spent time with her a few times but wanted to come and see here while he was in town.  I have always longed for my relationship with Daniel and  I wondered how it would be when he saw Gramma. He knows the truth, he seemingly BELIEVES the truth, but has faltered in his faith.  He has a prophetic gifting and knowlege and wisdom but is not walking spiritually and finds his "gifts" to be an annoyance and cause him to judge others. 

Gramma was elated when he came.  She took his hand and smiled from ear to ear.  Daniel was genuinely interested in her and attentive to her words and questions.  She shared some of her experiences of Christianity and she told "jokes" and laughed. 

Before he left, Gramma seemed emotional and sad.  She took his hand and placed it on her head and prayed.  She told God to make it well with him and told him that "It will be for you with God.  It will be through me!"  It made me emotional and she cried and was dissappointed when he told her he would be back next year.  She said that was too long and she may not be alive!  I pray the Lord spoke to him.  I pray he sees how real our God is and how real Grammas salvation is by an all powerful God.

Gramma has been very aggitated and discontent lately.  She is "bored" and knows things are not right with her brain.  Today she said that sometimes she wishes God would just come and get her.  It's too hard to keep going all the time.  Gramma still has a purpose and I pray that, in all the daily work and frustrations, I don't forget that purpose!

 "Chag sa'may'ach"  Happy Passover!

Baptized in Christ, raised anew!

 He that believes and is baptized shall be saved...  Mark 16:16

Today we celebrated the completion of Gramma's confession of faith in Jesus Christ, her Messiah!  We traveled home to Bethel Worship Center where Pr. Scott had water brought in from the Jordan River in Israel. We decided that a total "immersion" would not be safe or reasonable for Gramma but a "sprinkling" or anointing with water would be sufficient as a symbol of baptism.  God is not a legalist and this day was ordained by Him! 

We were joined by our extended family, old and  new.  Four chairs were set out, one for Gramma, one for my mother (honorably filled by Laura Wilson), one for me and one for Ayana to represent the four living generations of our family.  Gramma was graced with a telete (Jewish prayer shawl) and Pastor Scott was covered in his telete.  He anointed all four of us with the water and also Gramma's hands and feet.  Our extended family in Christ stood behind us in intercession and support.  Gramma began to share her testimony and the Spirit flowed! 

After all was said, Pr. Scott asked the Lord for a word which was given in the Spirit and soon translated.  God's word was that the last generation in our family had come to Christ and the "black cloud" had been lifted off of our family.  This was so significant since my siblings and I had always referred to the "black cloud" that seemed to linger over us.  It has been lifted and Victory is ours!  Gramma cried and was filled with the Spirit.  It was an emotional time for many of us and not a person in the sancuary was unmoved by the power of Almighty God.  Gramma IS SAVED BY GRACE!  She is washed in the blood and has seen His face!  Her testimony will lead many to Christ in the years to come.  We are so honored to have  been used to fulfill this promise of salvation and to defeat the enemy with the word of our testimony!

Pictures still to come...

Happy Birthday Dear Gramma!

Today was Grammas 87th Birthday, a milestone most will never see, and fewer will share joyously with a loved one as we did today.  Every morning I quietly observe Gramma through the glass door panes in the french doors to her bedroom to see if there is any movement or sound.  I tip toe in, hoping to relieve the initial anxiety of whether or not she has lived to see another day, yet not wanting to wake her once confirmed.  EVERY morning she pops open her eyes and says "What's going with you?"  Sometimes I respond by telling her "I'm just making sure you're still alive!"  She says "Am I?"  Then we laugh and I tell her to get some more sleep!

There have been several nights lately that she will take my hand and thank me for all I've done for her and she tells me that God sent her here because He knew she needed to be here.  Once I came in and she covered her face with both hands and bawled.  When I asked why she was crying, she told me that she doesn't know what she did to deserve all that we've done for her and why so many others never have what she has.  She is thankful for every moment and told me yesterday that she was not afraid to die.  She told me that she feels like He wants her to go sometimes and she asks Him for a little more time.  He tells her that she can because she asked!

Tonight, Gloria Malcom and her son Daniel came over for cake and Birthday wishes.  They brought her a nice, personal gift and then she cried as she prayed before blowing out her candle.  Her speech is less and less discernible, but her heart is easy to understand.  She poured her heart out for a good five minutes before blowing out her candle.  What a special day it is to see a woman turn 87 years old and bless God for every moment and every breath He gives her.  Shouldn't we all feel this way?  It is easy to see why she is grateful since she is so close to death, or life in the case of the believer!  But aren't we all close to death?  God hasn't promised any one of us tomorrow.  If only we all treated each day as if tomorrow may never come, we'd show such gratitude when we woke up in the morning and breathed in the air that God created for us to breath.  It's HIS air, shouldn't we thank him for it?  When Pastor Brandon put it that way, I felt foolish for not treating the air as if it were God's and I should be thankful that He lets me breathe it!!!   Gramma is thankful because every breath could be her last.  Lord, give us the reverence and fear that causes us to fall prostrate before you at the awesomeness of breathing~Amen!

Gramma bows her head to pray!

Thanking me for having her here.

Blowing out her candle on her 87th birthday!

Chance of a Lifetime

It's been a couple of weeks since I've checked in here.  With music performances, school parties, church parties and just plain life, there are not enough hours in the day!  While the everyday is, well, the everyday, there are always those unique moments that stand out and must be shared and remembered. 

The past couple of weeks have been fairly pleasant.  Gramma had a mild TIA again a couple of days ago but is recovering nicely.  In spite of the bitter cold, wind and rain, I am determined to get Gramma out of the house and involved with other people.  She is a socialite and loves to visit.  She loves entertainment and cultural activities.  On Monday I took her out in 15 degree weather to get her hair done.  I had to wrap a scarf around her head and bundle her with a thick winter coat.  I laughed when I looked at her because she looked like a little old Russian lady (Which she is!).  I had forgotten about her being fluent in Yiddish (click for definition http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yiddish_language) and said "Now if you speak Yiddish, everyone will think you ARE a little old Russian lady.  So...she spoke Yiddish the rest of the morning!!!  She was cracking up!

When we got to the Wal-Mart parking lot, I had to try and convince Gramma to let me lift her out of the van because it is up so high that if she were to come down with her weight it would break her legs.  She said there was no way she'd let me catch her.  We were arguing and laughing hysterically.  A BIG, friendly, smiling black man pulls up in an SUV and Gramma says "See if he'll help!"  I was shocked because that was out of her comfort zone!  Nevertheless, the man rolled down his window and asked if we needed help.  We said yes and he graciously picked her up and set her down on the ground.  She took his hand and said "God for you!  God bless you always!"  He smiled and said thank you. 
                                                                                       

                                                                                                    

This morning I realized that having Gramma here is the chance of a lifetime.  For John and I, and especially for the children.  I had to give Gramma a shower and took her upstairs and prepared her things.  When I turned around, Sarah was unbuttoning Gramma's bathrobe for her and telling her to come to the shower.  Gramma was tickled pink!  She squeezed her and said "Oi, oi can you imagine this?" After the shower, Sarah proceeded to dry her with a towel and wanted to put lotion on her.  She rubbed the lotion in her hands and rubbed it on both of her cheeks.  She pulled her face to hers and gave her a kiss.  I could have died and gone to heaven right then!!!  She finished putting lotion on her legs and handed me her sweater. 

When I think about how the entire family watches out for her, it makes me realize the value of this time for my kids.  When any one of them sees her wandering around without her walker, they take her by the hand to a safe spot and retrieve her walker for her.  My kids will always have compassion for the elderly and handicapped.  They will be servants and they will not be uncomfortable or inconvenienced by the needs of the needy.  I pray this stays with them.  The value to Gramma is indescribable.  She often says to me "What do people do that don't have what I have, what God gave me?  There must be something we can do for them."  She realizes the blessing of being cared for by her own family.  She prayed thanks to God today for giving her this family and people to take care of her and love her.

She cried yesterday thinking that she had not bought Christmas presents for the kids and they would not have anything that was from her to know she loves them.  I reminded her that we had shopped for the kids from her.  She always wants to do for us.  To give to us.  This is a woman that knew little about the real lives of her children and grandchildren.  She cared about status and success.  She had friends and a social life and that was all she wanted.  She was disappointed that "The Cousins" had all become financially successful and her kids had not "become something".  Today, she feels we are the most amazing people on earth!  She rarely asks about her friends but frequently asks about everyone in the family.  This is not dementia, this is God!  She remembers her friends but is not as concerned with their lives anymore.  When she first came, she could not feel good unless her friends called her regularly and told her how good she had it.

Each day brings something new and wonderful, but each day also takes away something old and wonderful!  We are thankful for them both.  This Christmas season has brought so much joy and emotion.  I thank God for each day with her!

                                                             My little babushka!

Gramma got her hair did!

A Date With Dementia

"Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you." Isaiah 46:4

I think I have made it clear that Gramma has dementia, vascular dementia to be specific.  We have good days and bad days, but always blessed days.  We are blessed every day that she wakes up again!  To be quite honest, dementia is very entertaining, for us and for Gramma.  It is the source of much laughter for Gramma and she is ok with sharing it with us.

Whether she is saying something off the wall and then realizing it, or not realizing it, we laugh.  One day we were in the van waiting for one of the kids to meet us with their ride.  Gramma and I had been swatting at a fly for about an hour and she complained, referring to the fly as a "Micheal"!  It became silent and we were looking straight ahead and I started to smile.  About 30 seconds later, Gramma starts shaking her head while looking out the front window and says "Oh dear!"  She looked at me and we burst out laughing.  She does this often!  I can't tell you how many times she has put her bra on OVER her shirt.  I will say "Hey Gramma, look down.  Are you sporting a new fashion there?"  She starts cracking up and says "You know I'm not right." She points to her head and says "I'm not all there."  We all laugh with her.  On the other hand, there are some really "off" days when she has no idea what she's doing or why.  She has gone into her room and removed all of her clothes from her amwoire and put them on the floor.  When I ask about it, she says she is going to fold them neatly and put them away.  Later she will ask me why all of her clothes are on the floor.  I will say "Because you're going to fold them neatly and put them away!"  She sarcastically says "Oh really?  I'm gonna do that?"

Gramma's sense of humor has been part of her character as long as most can remember, even through the harshness of her "old self"!  My children spend a lot of time talking to her because she makes them laugh.  They run back and forth telling me what she says.  One day, at the YMCA, a very large man walked in and Gramma began to say loudly "Oh, that man needs to be here for a while.  He really needs to be here."  Ayana was horrified and told her that she could not insult people like that and that she had been loud enough for him to hear her.  A few minutes later two large men walked in.  Ayana looks over and Gramma is "reading" a magazine (she cannot see, nor can she read any longer) and turning pages.  She peers over the magazine at Ayana and says "What?  I'm just sitting here reading my magazine."  The men walk out and Gramma looks up at Ayana and winces.  I thought Ayana would die laughing.  Since having been saved, she catches herself and confesses that she should not say such things about people.

This situation could either bring us a lot of sorrow or a lot of laughs.  It is bitter sweet to watch her slowly slip away, day by day.  She has mini-strokes that take bits and pieces from her.  The one thing that remains constant is her faith and her recollection of what God has shown her.  It is amazing!  You can talk with her at any time, even during a delusional episode, and the message is the same.  "He knows me.  He loves me!"  So whether she is calling me "Lyda" and my uncle Ricky "Runny", she knows whom it is that saves her!  She will point up and say "Him" if you can't understand her. 


Pray for those in nursing homes with dementia.  They are often lonely and confused.  They don't have the opportunity to be understood because those that should know them are not there.  I am thankful for every day with Gramma.  When she is confused or cannot speak properly, we know what she is telling us.   This makes her feel secure and loved.  I praise God for people like Wendy Harper that go to nursing homes regularly as a ministry to the elderly.  They need us to love them to death!




                                   "What are you doing with that bra Gramma?"

The First Night of Chanukah

"A man hath no better thing under the sun, than to eat, and to drink, and be merry." Ecclesiastes 8: 15


Last night we celebrated the first night of Chanukah as a family.  Gramma was overjoyed at the spread of traditional food, the Menorah and the kids gathered around the table together with her.  She was silly and funny and even sang for us.  I think she was exhausted from smiling and laughing so much!  After eating the most delicious potato latkes in the world, with matzoh ball soup and flatbread sesame crackers with cream cheese and lox spread, we had Chanukah gelt (chocolate coins here in the south!) and cheescake.  Then Gramma gave each of the kids a small gift (dollar specials!) to celebrate the tradition.  The kids had a blast with her and enjoyed the whole celebration.  Poor John, the German/Irish Catholic boy was a little overwhelmed at the event.  It was new to him but he was happy to celebrate with his family!


We had Gramma light the first candle on the Menorah, and she said a blessing.  She thanked God and praised Him as she told Him "You did this for US!"  We discussed the story of Chanukah and what it means to us as believers.  One thing I've learned about Jews is that they accept the fact that God does what he chooses and it is well with them.  I am inspired by this.  We pray that Christmas brings Gramma as much joy this year as Chanukah.  It will be her first Christmas as a Messianic Jew!  She is already in love with the spirit of the season as she sits and gazes at the tree and the lights for hours and tells me how beautiful it is.  Everyone should be this happy and blessed as they move toward eternal life!  God is good!
                                                    

                                                    Potato Latkes and Matzoh Ball Soup! YUM!                                           

Celebrate the Feast!

"The feasts of the Lord, which you shall proclaim to be holy convocations,

these are My feasts.” Leviticus 23:2

This past week has been quiet.  Well, let's rephrase that...This past week has been fairly uneventful.  Gramma is remaining positive through her aches and pains.  She appears to forget that her pain is there and it seems to be new to her each day.  Yesterday, Gramma was coming out of the bathroom and told me about her pain.  I told her we needed to speak to God.  She said, "You know, He'll heal me if he wants to.  He may not want to yet.  But He'll do what He wants."  She tells me that she is just glad to know He loves her! 

Tomorrow at sundown begins Chanukah.  We have recognized the first day of Chanukah as a family in the past but never to the degree of recognizing the importance of the celebration.  Realizing that Jesus celebrated the feasts gives the entire idea a deeper meaning.  I've come to realize that many Christians believe the New Testament has REPLACED the Old Testament.  This is not true.  Jesus said "Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them. I tell you the truth, until heaven and earth disappear, not the smallest letter, not the least stroke of a pen, will by any means disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished." Matthew 5:17-18  That would be like saying the Ten Commandments were obsolete!  

Gramma is very excited about Chanukah.  She is wanting to buy gifts for the kids to celebrate, but we've already used her "spending money" on Christmas presents she wanted for the kids.  I did buy chocolate candy coins, which are traditional in our family at Chanukah.  The idea of having the traditional food and lighting the Menorah makes Gramma feel connected to God.  There's nothing like a "Completed Jew", as Merna would say!!! 

For those of you that are unaware of what Chanukah is all about, this is an overview:

Hanukkah commemorates the victory of a band of Jewish warriors, the Maccabees, over the Syrian king Antiochus almost 2,500 years ago. After driving out the Syrians, the Maccabees reoccupied the Temple of Jerusalem, where they found enough oil to keep the all-important "Eternal Light" shining for only one day. Miraculously, the oil lasted for eight days, hence the eight days of Hanukkah (which is derived from the Hebrew word for "rededication.")  ehow.com

Chanukah is called "The Festival of Lights" in the modern world.  Like Christmas, it has been reduced to a commercial fantasy with the main marketing goal being money.  Dradels, games, presents and food!  While I don't think our Almighty Father has a problem with fun and food, it is the fact that He is not typically the focus of the celebration.  Be sure to celebrate the power, mercy, grace and favor of your Creator this Holy Day season!